The Deep Rite of Passage of Matrescence
We are constantly defined by moments of change.
Transitions that mark our passage from one version of us to the next are necessary for evolution, for growth and for the cycle of life to continue.
Part of life is always going through cycles of losing, finding, forgetting, remembering, tearing down and rebuilding our lives and parts of it. Sometimes they go by unnoticed, while other times they are more intense and deeply visible.
These big transitions of life, the ones that take us from one version of us to the next, are meant to be held and honored so that they can fulfill their meaning: transforming us into our next self.
They are rites of passage that mark the end of one phase of life and the beginning of a new one. They mark our separation of a role, an identity, a way of being and living, a stage of life and the transformation and integration of a new one.
As women, we experience micro rites of passage that reflect birth, growth, bloom, decay, death and rebirth again every month, through our inner cycles.
We are connected to this rhythm, whether we’re aware of it or not. With this awareness comes also the power and wisdom to wield our personal power, gained by aligning with this inner cycle, to embody it.
We also experience bigger and impactful rites of passage starting with our own birth and then continuing throughout our lives with other impacting ones such as menarche (first bleed), birth, matrescence, menopause. These rites often go by unacknowledged and we integrate whatever happens or does not happen during these times.
Becoming a mother is a massive, complex, deep transition you’re experiencing with every fiber of your being and in every layer of your life.
Matrescence is a rite of passage that marks your transformation into mother. It is the unspoken, unsupported and unacknowledged rite of passage that happens, no matter what the culture says or sees.
We do not speak about the becoming of the mother in our culture, we have forgotten to honor and pay care and attention to this essential transformation.
We have replaced what should be a deeply spiritual, emotional and supporting ritual with consumerism. We feel that if we get the right pram, the right clothes and baby wearer, we will be prepared. If we throw a baby shower and buy all the possible things for the coming baby, then it is all right, that means we will be good mothers.
And this need to buy new things in order to feel prepared comes from a deep need to mark such an important transition, that you feel with every fiber of your being that it will change you forever. So, in the absence of a meaningful ritual that acknowledges you as a mother, you try to mark it through acquiring the physical elements that show this is truly happening.
What you are living or aren’t living in this transition impacts how you enter and reside is this role of mother. It impacts how you see yourself, how you see your mothering and how you mother.
So, every bit of information you get, the support you receive or don’t receive, the advice and stories you hear, the preparation, they all inform you about the expectations this new role holds. What is expected from me as a mother? What does society expect me to do, be, act like? How will I be seen and what does it mean to be a mother?
Whether you are aware of it or not, matrescence happens. And matrescence as a rite of passage if not there to mark your physical birth as a mother, though that is the most obvious - you carry your baby inside you and then they’re in your arms.
Matrescence as a rite of passage is there to support your emotional, social and psychological becoming as a mother. A process that takes time, exploration, being with and going through your own lived experience as a mother.
When you become aware of your lived experience as a mama, shed light on it, gently and thoughtfully explore it, hold it with love and kindness, you open a portal to your own growth and healing.
Being witnessed and held while going through this deep transition is key to having a smooth passage.
This tells your whole being: this is happening, it is going to be hard and here’s what you can do, you got this, you are a mother now, you are honored and seen, you are strong and worthy.
Matrescence takes you from one stage of your life into the next, from maiden to mother, marking the end of an era and the beginning of another. It is this immense transformation that happens inside you while going through it that turns matrescence into a deep and powerful rite of passage. This rite of passage allows you to step into your new role, harness its power and integrate it, embodying a you beyond your imagination.
I know exploring your matrescence may seem unfamiliar or even scary. I invite you to take this first step of acknowledging your matrescence and how it changed you, with me. In an Explore Your Matrescence Session I gently guide you to reflect on your personal journey to and through matrescence. I’d love to hold you in this process.
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holding space for you, mama,
Simona